Ryan Fitzpatrick Retires?

Experienced QB Ryan Fitzpatrick has officially announced his retirement from playing football. Congrats, Mr. Fitzpatrick! But don’t expect many well-wishes right away!

When it comes to retirement gifts, fellow footballers like Peyton Manning have been burned once this year. Remember when Tom Brady had to spend his entire year’s salary returning his retirement gifts? A stunt like that burns a lot of bridges. The UPS driver still gives Touchdown Tom the stink eye when driving past his house.

If you find a retirement card you like, you can always use a pen to add your own asterisk after the words “happy retirement” so the reader knows to read the fine print.

Most football folks are happy for Ryan Fitzpatrick! Now that the unbeatable champ is retired* we can’t wait to see who wins the No-Shave November competition this year!

*Assuming the retirement plans are real, of course.

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