As much as we love watching our fave QBs throw the ball and take off for 40 rushing yards, NFL games make up only 1% of their year! We care about the other 99% of the time.
Best at Sleeping: Drew Brees
The average QB spends 4563% more time sleeping than playing pro football games. Ever since Mr. Brees agreed to be in NyQuil commercials, he’s become a strong supporter of sleep. The makers of NyQuil started making ZzzQuil for busy people like Drew Brees who want to get a good night sleep but they don’t have a cough.
Best at Fortnite: Eli Manning
Eli Manning knows how to find the best llamas. And now that he isn’t starting, Fortnite takes up 2% of Eli Manning’s year. GL, Eli! May the king of Olympus guide ur journey.
Best at Jeans: Aaron Rodgers
During the 99% of the year when Aaron Rodgers isn’t playing a football game, he’s wearing jeans. An entire outfit made out of jeans. Pants, shirt, jacket, socks, shoes, tie, watch. He even has a Super Bowl ring made out of jeans. Former Packers QB Brett Favre was a longtime spokesperson for Wrangler Jeans; sources close to #4 reveal that Favre thinks Rodgers is trying to take that away from him, too.
Best at Getting Mono: Sam Darnold
It will likely be awhile before someone steals this honor away from him!
Best at Making a Non-Committal Sound of Agreement When He Doesn’t Hear What Someone Said to Him: Andrew Luck
Andrew Luck didn’t actually plan to retire this season. He was chatting with Coach Frank Reich at practice, and a bunch of his teammates were having a loud, silly conversation nearby. Coach Reich jokingly said, “Maybe you should retire.” Poor Andrew Luck didn’t quite catch what Coach said and didn’t want to be awkward, so he just made an affirmative sound. The next morning, the contents of his locker were in a box and the paperwork was ready for him to sign.
Best at Being Nick Foles: Derek Carr
Makes perfect sense.
Best at Remembering People’s Birthdays: Ben “Big Ben” “Big B-Day Ben” Roethlisberger.
Big Ben is the most organized QB.
Best at Calling Everyone “Baby”: Jimmy Garoppolo
After calling Erin Andrews “baby” a few weeks ago, Jimmy G claimed he calls everyone “baby” and started making a point of calling literally everyone he runs into “baby” to make it seem totally natural and normal. Prior to “baby”-gate, only 35% of people polled described Jimmy G as “punch-able”. Now his Punch-able Index is up to 90%.
Best at Game Day Field Set-Up: Baker Mayfield
Baker Mayfield only gets three hours of sleep before home games. He and his wife have to wake up at 4am to start painting stripes on the field.
Best at Titan: Ryan Tannehill
This one is a no-brainer. Tannehill is Titan 100% of the year. 100% of Ryan Tannehill is 100% Titan or more. Tannehill is Titan of the Year 100% of the time.