Start ‘Em, Sit ‘Em: Week 12 QBs

The QB situation is looking better and better. Think back to Week 2 when the Jets’ Sam Darnold came down with mono, initiating the most devastating Quarterback Curse since 1873. Now Darnold and most of his QB friends are back in action and doing better than ever! Except Matt Stafford, he was fashionably late to the whole curse thing. And Andrew Luck, he’s still retired. And Ben Roethlisberger “Big Ben” Big R-Berger, his elbow is still barely being an elbow. And Cam Newton, it looks like that little kid was right about Panthers fans forgetting about him. And Eli Manning, we don’t even know what his deal is, but he’s kicking serious butt at Fortnite, he plays it on his phone every weekend while he protects the Giants’ bench from the sun. If you want someone to squad up with you in Fortnite, Giants play at 1pm Eastern on Sunday. If you want someone who can help you win your fantasy game this week, read on.

Daniel Jones aka “New Eli Manning”, Giants: Sit. They’re calling him Eli 2.0. Except he sucks at Fortnite because he never has time to play, all going to football practice and studying the playbook. What a nerd.

Carson Wentz, Eagles: Start. Bird experts agree, an eagle would beat a seahawk 9 times out of 10. It’s just an estimate based on the most up-to-date bird simulators, but it probably applies to people as well.

Nick Foles, Jaguars: Sit. Remember Gardner Minshew? He was having a heck of a season while Foles was recovering from the Quarterback Curse. Well, Gardner Minshew didn’t have a lot of fun on the bench last weekend. Friends of the back-up QB believe he plans on slashing Nick Foles’ tires before the game! Foles could end up watching the game from his own living room, the victim of a second Deflate-gate.

Jeff Driskel, Loins: Start. “Who’s Jeff Driskel?” Only the real cool QB who’s going to make your fantasy season respectable. Former starter Matt Stafford hasn’t been seen for a few weeks. There’s a rumor going around Detroit that Jeff Driskel consumed him in an attempt to acquire his quarterback powers. Looks like it worked!

Dak Prescott, Cowboys: Sit. Cowboys are playing the Patriots, that should be all you need to know. (The Rumor Mill says that the defense has special football magnets hidden in their gloves. Science is neat.)

Baker Mayfield, Browns: Start. “Work smarter, not harder.” That’s Baker Mayfield’s new motto, we don’t know how he came up with that, but it’s really catchy! Sources close to Baker and Mrs. Mayfield have implied that Cleveland’s First Couple is finally taking advantage of living at FirstEnergy Stadium. Last weekend, the Mayfields watched an old Christmas movie that came out before they were born where a kid is left home alone and he sets a bunch of traps for some crooks who are trying to break into his house. They were reportedly inspired to make some adjustments to the field during the week.

Wow, Baker Mayfield… that’s impressive! But I don’t think you can convince Tony Dungy to attack the Dolphins with a chainsaw.

Good luck this weekend! If your team loses again, here is a good mantra: basketball season is here, and there are 82 games.

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