Sam Darnold Spleen Watch

Today is the day we find out if Sam Darnold, the young quarterback for the New York Jets, is cleared to play football again.

Several weeks ago, after most fantasy football leagues had already drafted, the Jets revealed that Sam Darnold had come down with mono. The whole world was stunned to learn that adults can get mono. Even the WHO–the rock-n-roll band turned health and wellness aficionados–investigated the Mysterious Case of Sam Darnold.

Same Darnold has not played football since his diagnosis. Mono causes extreme fatigue, so there was a genuine concern that he would fall asleep on his morning commute. Or even worse, on the field. Players who are asleep are 70% more likely to suffer a season-ending injury than players who are awake. Mono also affects the spleen. Researchers are still determining what the spleen actually does. For decades, scientists believed it was for decorative purposes only. Now we know that the enigmatic spleen plays a major (but secret) role in how the human body works!

2019 is the Year of the Spleen.

You’ll want to leave sports radio on all day at work so you don’t miss the thrilling verdict about Darnold’s spleen! If you don’t have a radio at work, you can download the Sam Darnold Spleen Watch app to get real-time push notifications about the size of his spleen. All the Jets players and coaching staff have already downloaded the app. The entire Jets season is riding on your spleen, Sam Darnold! (No pressure.)

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