NFL Accountants, Payroll Specialists Track Crypto, Brace For Stressful Q2

Crypto was the buzziest buzz word of 2021, and many famous NFL players chose to be paid in nonexistent monopoly money instead of the cold hard cash that we’re all used to. Is this the future??

Nope, it’s the passed! NFL ballers and tech bros tuned in to watch the livestream memorial service of “Bad Bob” the Canary who lived in the Bitcoin mine until his unexpected demise.

RIP in h.
(You get to decide what the “h” is for!)

Crypto gurus say that the Bitcoin Mine isn’t a physical place and therefore doesn’t have any oxygen, so that’s probably why Bad Bob kicked the bucket. In light of this event, several NFL players reportedly have started to deeply regret asking for their salaries in Bitcoin.

“We just finished adding a separate bitcoin filter to our general ledger,” lamented one anonymous payroll specialist. “Now the players are going to get cold feet and change their minds, and we’ll have to pull even more overtime to work this out.”

“Can’t we just replace the dead canary with a different one? No one would notice,” insisted another. “We could just say we did the ‘clear’ thing with the paddles and mouth-to-mouth and the bird came back to life.”

To be determined if NFL teams will have to get rid of their bitcoins and go back to boring old regular money that isn’t worth writing about. Stay tuned!

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