Start ‘Em, Sit ‘Em: Week 9 QBs

Or Weak 9 QBs, depending on who you’re starting!

Matt Stafford, Loins: Start. The fortune teller at the state fair said to start Matt Stafford. The Lioins are playing in Oakland, so even with daylight savings time, the team will get to sleep in a few extra hours. It’s a good time to leave Detroit, the city still hasn’t located the lion that escaped before last week’s game. Ford Field is reportedly littered with 7,000 lbs of raw meat, 1 million pipe cleaners, and an empty cardboard box in an effort to lure the big cat back to the stadium. GL!

Ryan Fitzpatrick, Dolphins: Start. Do you have any idea how many different teams Fitzpatrick has quarterbacked for? So many, you can’t even count them. He did a stint on the Jets for awhile. He’s worked with 85% of current NFL players. Always start Fitzpatrick, he’s got the inside scoop on all the best plays! Miami plays the Jets this week. So, uh… do what you want with that information.

Sam Darnold, Jets: Sit. Our boy Sam is a wildcard. Some games he’s on fire, and they have to grab the team fire extinguisher to put him out. Safety first! Other games, he throws five interceptions, gets sacked ten times, and comes down with a mysterious illness like mono or missing toenails. We don’t even know. Keep him safely on your bench in case his thumb falls off during warm ups.

Eli Man Daniel Jones, Giants: Sit. Daniel Jones, aka Eli Manning 2.0, has been studying under his senior QB mentor Eli “Peyton Manning’s Little Brother” Manning. Which basically means he is fantasy football poison. Keep him safely on the waiver wire.

New England Defense, New England: Start. Fun fact, the Patriots Defense has scored more points this season than the majority of quarterbacks! Wow! Why even bother having a quarterback if you can have a New England? Don’t forget to make one of those super clever cut-out fence signs!

Tom Brady, New England: Start. Well, you could get a Tom Brady to go with your Patriots Defense.

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