In an effort to minimize fun had by fans who attend the Qatar World Cup games in person, the official Qatar football stadium has banned beer.
“We’ll still sell Qatar FIFA branded champagne and aged wine to the elites who attend in the games and purchase our seats in the luxury boxes built by the strongest of the slave labor,” said a World Cup insider. “But we don’t want the masses to enjoy themselves at the game by drinking the alcohol of the poor.”
“Selling the alcohol of poverty would mean that the impoverished would enjoy themselves too much,” said sources close to the world president of all soccer. “We only want the wealthy to partake.”
On an unrelated note, flask sales in Qatar have skyrocketed.
“I would say let them eat cake,” said FIFA president and man of the people Gianni Infantino. “But we only serve that to the guests who paid for the luxury boxes.”