NFL Week Eleven Report Card

Whoa, the National NFL Football League has made it to Week 11! We’re all proud of you, NFL!

Turf: Great work, NFL! The turf didn’t actively cause any injuries. Give yourself a pat on the back, we guess.

Stadium Seats: Almost 75% of people in attendance reported more comfortable stadium seats! Whoa. Definitely not related to the beer score.

Mascots: Folks at the game just loved the silly antics of the NFL cutest team members! Some people even forgot the football game was happening!

London Games: Another embarrassment for the NFL. In the most recent London Games debacle, the teams didn’t even make it to the right continent! The San Francisco 49ers and Arizona Cardinals apparently boarded the wrong flight and ended up in Mexico City. London fans showed up for Monday Night Football–which the middle of the night Tuesday for them! But they were so excited to see an NFL football game, they thought it was worth it! Only to find out that the two teams hadn’t even left North America! At least the Seahawks and Buccaneers made it to Germany. We think the NFL needs to choose a different airline next season!

Beer: NFL fans did their part and had a beer or two–in honor of all the fans of a different kind of football who are being denied their right to consume the official beverage of sports everywhere! Pour one out for the folks sitting in the non-luxury seats to watch the FIFA World Cup games. Except don’t actually pour one out, that would be a waste of beer. Just think of all the have-nots who traveled to see the World Cup, and chug that cold one.

Pizza Deals: Yet again, 50% of the country was forced to buy pizza this week. C’s get degrees and all, but the people in Houston haven’t gotten pizza on sale in over a month! “I had to drive all the way to Dallas to get my deep dish,” said one Houston resident. Another reportedly paid Uber Eats to deliver the discounted pizza all the way from Dallas!

Truck Commercials: We’re waiting to see who has the BOGO event to decide what kind of truck to get.

New York: With all the snow, teams that are already in New York are reportedly thinking of going south for the winter.

Titans: The Tennessee-est team in the NFL traveled to Green Bay and came away with the W! Just what we’ve come to expect from America’s favorite team! “We couldn’t help but win,” said Titans kicker Josh Lambo. “We were playing in a stadium that was named after me!” Josh Lambo has since been waived by the Titans.

Footballs: Good job, NFL! All the footballs made it intact to the big games. Wrangling the footballs is a thankless job, and no one notices unless you mess it up!

Mouthguards: Most mouthguards made it through the game! Unfortunately, the Denver Broncos live horse mascot dropped a deuce on the field and then a mouthguard fell in the poo.

Fun: The fun grade is directly correlated to the beer grade!

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