Our friend Antonio Brown is on the move again! They say the average person changes jobs every five years. After a long stint as a Pittsburgh Steeler, Antonio Brown has been making his LinkedIn profile more and more robust! He’s added experience with the Raiders, Patriots, and Buccaneers before he joined the Great Resignation and parted ways with the Bucs.
Let’s take a look at the most likely teams that Antonio Brown could end up on!
Arizona Cradinals. Our friend Antonio Brown likes the nice Tampa Bay weather. Well, the weather is pretty darn great in sunny Phoenix!
Carolina Panthers. Our other friend Sir Purr tried to bury the hatchet, but AB was not having it. This remains one of the most heated feuds in sports and will likely prevent Mr. Brown from signing with the Panthers.
Chicago Bears. Fat chance. A few years ago, Antonio Brown thought the Bears were “the $*!%”. Now he just thinks they’re $*!%.
Cleveland Browns. A match made in heaven! Brown to the Browns? We’ll see!
Cincinnati Bagels. Nah. If our friend Antonio Brown goes to an Ohio team, it will definitely be Cleveland.
Dallas Cowboys. Probably not… “Mike McCarthy” and “Antonio Brown” have never been seen in the same room, so football conspiracy theorists think they’re the same person. That’s a lot of wardrobe changes to go through per game.
Denver Broncos. AB has been a long-time member of the mile high club!
Detroit Loins. Antonio Brown doesn’t like the fact that the Loins constantly misspell their team name. He doesn’t want to associate with a team that doesn’t value spelling.
Golden State Warriors. Renaissance Man Our Friend Antonio Brown likes to keep his options open!
Green Bay Packers. No thx, too cold.
Houston Texas. Awesome city.
Indianapolis Clots. Nothing is more fearsome and deadly than a clot. Be careful around clots, folks.
Jacksonville Jaguars. Definitely not. Antonio Brown’s fave tv show a few years ago was The Good Place, and he couldn’t help having a soft spot for these spotted cats! But AB was so upset when he watched the series finale, he declared the Jaguars to be his ultimate nemesis and wants nothing more than to crush them into oblivion. Just on the field, though.
Kansas City Chiefs. AB said he was really freaked out by the hit move Twister as a kid, so he doesn’t ever want to live in Kansas.
The Chargers. Those lightning bolts are sick, AB could see himself in a cool lightning jersey.
Miami Dolphins. More like the Miami Gray Rubbery Sea Jaguars. Look, AB is looking to get away from Florida. Jaguars, Dolphins, they’re basically the same thing.
Minnesota Vikings. Even colder than the Packers! You can’t expect a Florida Man to live in those conditions.
New Orleans Saints. AB ain’t no saint!
New York Giants. More like the New York Giant Pile of Poop. (Or at least that’s what Antonio Brown’s agent reportedly said.)
New York Jets. Where did all these “new” teams come from? AB feels like it’s time to play for a classic football team.
New York Buffalos. Isn’t that even colder than Minnesota?
Philadelphia Eagles. Eagles are freaking cool. The eagle wing helmets are lit, man.
Seattle Seahawks. AB eats seahawks for breakfast.
Tennessee Titans. Tennessee Titans.
Washington Footballs. Mr. Brown was more interested before the Footballs rebranded. He was a huge fan of the name “Washington Footballs” and enjoyed the fun antics of the football mascot.
The Florida Bar. A dark horse candidate for AB’s next move! But Renaissance Man Antonio Brown has been super into law lately. You’re never too old to stop learning new things!
With the right attitude, you can go anywhere! GL, Antonio Brown!