Tom Brady BREAKING NEWS

This just in! Sources close to NFL Legend Tom “Touchdown Tom” Brady confirm that Tampa Bay’s geriatric QB is officially retiring!

When asked if Tom Brady is retiring, the omnipotent NFL news source confirmed:

Tom Brady’s dad, Tom Brady Version 1.0, said that his son isn’t retiring. Yeah, and sons are always honest with their dads! Tom 2.0 totally never forged your signature on field trip permission slips. lol gtfo.

When asked, Tom Touchdown himself said he hasn’t officially decided. Well, good news, T-down Tom! You don’t have to think about it anymore, your fate has already been written by the all-knowing, all-powerful forces.

There you have it! Proof of Tom Brady’s departure from the Tampa Bay Bucs!

Wait, what?

Oh good, that’s what we thought.

Oh yes! Just like Tom Brady is getting a brand new life as a retiree.

Yeah. So we’re all on the same page.

Congratulations on your retirement, Tom Brady! Don’t be a stranger to the NFL!

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