NFL Week 10 Report Card

Time to roll up our sleeves and dig in to Week 10.

Seriously? Did you even read our self-eval advice last week?
Now everyone knows you didn’t take it seriously!

Turf: Well, as you can see here, the official turf at every single game was both excellent and it exceeded expectations. That’s probably why Kyle Allen of the Panthers was picking so much of it out of his face mask. He was so impressed, he wanted to take some of it with him.

Stadium Seats: Look NFL. We know some of them had bird poop on them. There is no way Baker Mayfield was able to clean that entire stadium and attend practice this week.

Mascots: Mascots are always exceeding our expectations. Everyone loves them. Do you have white out? Get rid of the check mark in the “excellent” column.

London Games: This should have been a “dumpster fire” for sure, folks. No one even went to London! Don’t put away that white out.

Beer: According to our pivot table, more Jack Daniels was consumed last weekend than all brands of beer combined. Jack knows what it’s like to have your fantasy season flushed down the toilet, and he’s here to help you cope.

Pizza Deals: Doesn’t everyone get burned out on pizza after awhile?

Truck Commercials: Not everyone is convinced that a truck is right for them. We can fit twice as many footballs in our second-hand hearse, thank you very much.

New York: New York has almost as many teams as a whole conference! The people of New York just rake in those pizza deals.

Titans: Tennessee The Titanics. The Titans are having more success than that movie they were named after.

Footballs: No way Week 10 footballs were excellent… did you watch any of the Rams Steelers game? Some wise guy coated all the footballs with butter.

Mouthguard Fails: Every time a mouth guard lands on the ground, a cute pet rat holding a tiny teddy bear gets flushed down a toilet to join your fantasy season in the depths of hell. Remember that, players! Save the rats from damnation, keep your mouth guards safe.

Funs: Well, we did have some funs this weekend, and that’s what football is all about. So maybe it’s all in good fun to give the fun category both an “excellent” and an “exceeds expectations”. Or maybe the boss is going to do your real evaluation next week, NFL! And then you’ll have some major explaining to do!

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