NFL Week 9 Report Card

What the–? Alright, well, at Week 9, we guess the NFL has moved beyond the report card stage and into the performance review stage. Kudos!

This looks boring.

Turf: Exceeds Expectations. Well, we guess? No sinkholes, quicksand, bear traps, typos in the team names… sure, checks out.

Stadium Seats: Exceeds Expectations. What were the expectations? If you thought the seats would be covered horse manure and hornet nests, then the NFL hit it out of the park right between the uprights!

Mascots: Exceeds Expectations. Definitely accurate, everybody loves mascots!

London Games: Exceeds Expectations. The Jacksonville Jaguars and Houston Texas made it to London and had a football game. Great work!

Beer: Exceeds Expectations. It often does. But we’re really wondering about these ratings, usually this point in the season calls for something stronger.

Pizza Deals: Exceeds Expectations. Except for 50% of the fans. And the people of London, do they eat pizza? It doesn’t go well with tea.

Truck Commercials: Exceeds Expectations. Oh really? Well, which one are you getting then, smart ass?

New York: Exceeds Expectations. New York exceeds the quantities of football teams typically allowed in other states. This is probably accurate.

Titans: Exceeds Expectations. Ten Titanessee Tennessees

Footballs: Exceeds Expectations. This would have been a good one to give an “excellent” to, to make it look like you were judging yourself fairly or had room for improvement. Then on your next self evaluation, you can give yourself an “exceeds expectations” and it will look like you took your job super seriously and improved a ton.

Mouthguard Fails: Exceeds Expectations. HOW?????

Fun: Exceeds Expectations. This would have been another one that could have gotten an “excellent” to make yourself look good and honest. But nope! You had to claim that everyone everywhere had the maximum amount of fun, even Patriots fans. Well, we’ll see what the boss has to say about this!

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