Sit ‘Em, Start ‘Em: Week 7 QBs

The quarterbacks were able to dodge the 2019 Curse last weekend, no new developments. Maybe the NFL rolled out their QB-Curse vaccine?

Sam Darnold, Jets: Start! New York Jets QB Sam Darnold is fully recovered from mono and spleen expansion, and he proved last weekend that he is ready to be back and compete on the big stage. Well, on Monday night, he will face the ultimate challenge of playing against the undefeated several-time Super Bowl champion New England Patriots! We believe that Sam Darnold will rise to the challenge.

Scientists have discovered that the size of the QB’s spleen is inversely proportional to the number of touchdowns scored. This means the smaller the spleen, the more touchdowns the QB can score! Sam Darnold is in great shape for the rest of the season!

Kyler Murray, Cardinals: Start! Fresh off a win against the Atlanta Falcons, Cardinals QB Kyler Murray is ready to take on the New York Giants and fellow rookie QB Daniel Jones. Little known fact–due to a glitch in online scoring, whenever rookie quarterbacks play against each other, they get a 3x point multiplier. If Kyler Murray has a performance like last weekend, you’re basically guaranteed a win!

Daniel Jones, Giants: Start! See above. Unless they’ve fixed the 3x multiplier.

Bonus Kyler Murray, Cardinals: Start! Have you paid off your commish yet? You could be starting a second Kyler Murray! Have some self-respect, and shell out them bucks. With the 3x point multiplier, you can start Kyler Murray and Bonus!Kyler and get 6x the touchdowns!

Andy Dalton, Bengals: Sit. Like Murray and Jones, Bengals QB Andy Dalton is glitched. Sometimes his throwing arm does a glitch, and sometimes other players on his team glitch in a way where they don’t see the football or their hands glitch as they’re about to catch the football or the offensive line glitches while they try to block. It sucks a TON for the Bengals. Technology is great, but when it malfunctions, it’s tough to deal. Play it safe and don’t start Dalton.

Russell Wilson, Seattle: Sit. This past week during practice, the football team was practicing in the same area as the seahawk handler was training with the current Seahawk mascot named Billy. Russell Wilson threw an amazing pass to his buddy Tyler Lockett at the same time as Billy the Seahawk was swooping down to land on his handler’s arm… and there was a small collision. Which is pretty bad juju. The team might need to bring in a back-up Seahawk to fly around before the game. And now Billy the Seahawk has a vendetta against Russell Wilson.

Eli Manning, Giants: WILDCARD! If you feel like gambling and believe in the mysterious 2019 Quarterback Curse, you could start Eli Manning. The Curse affects quarterbacks in mysterious ways from arm injuries to concussions to freaking mono. If Daniel Jones gets the runs before the game, then Eli Manning will take the stage and play his heart out to win back his starting job!

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