Newest Victim of 2019 QB Curse

Breaking news! Chicago Bears quarterback Mitchell Trubisky has become the most recent victim of the 2019 Quarterback Curse.

One theory regarding the 2019 QB injuries: voodoo dolls.

Trubisky joins the club of starting quarterbacks to succumb to injuries this season. Trubisky left the Bears game against their NFC frenemies the Minnesota Vikings with a shoulder injury and is unlikely to return.

Previous weeks have seen injuries to fellow starting QBs Drew Brees, Nick Foles, and Ben “Big” Roethlisberger. Sam Darnold was sabotaged behind the scenes with mono (which is hella sketch, usually only high school kids get that) and Cam Newton has been sidelined with a mysterious foot injury. Prior to the start of the season, Andrew Luck shocked the world with his retirement from football, prompting some to inquire why he would suddenly leave behind the game he loves at such a young age.

For the first time in NFL football history, the majority of star quarterbacks have suffered season-ending injuries or injuries requiring months of recovery. Other quarterbacks, be careful!! Eat healthy, do your stretches, and–even if this seems a little weird–when you get your hair cut, take the clippings home with you so your hair stylist can’t sell them on the black market to voodoo priestesses. Better safe than sorry!

Best of luck to Mitchell Trubisky, don’t fall to the dark spells!

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