NFL QB Curse in Full Swing

Pittsburgh Quarters Steelerback Mason Rudolph has returned to practice after getting a concussion last weekend in their game against the Baltimore Ravens. The newest victim of the 2019 Quarterback Curse. If you don’t believe the QB Curse is real, take a look at this timeline beginning with Rudolph’s injury.

3rd Quarter, 7:29 remaining: Mason Rudolph gets hit in the head. Ouch.

3rd Quarter, 7:29 remaining: Mason Rudolph is concussed, so he shouldn’t walk off the field because it might jostle his brain. The Pittsburgh M*A*S*H unit drives their cart out onto the field to collect Mr. Rudolph.

3rd Quarter, 7:29 remaining: Mr. Rudloph is carefully lifted onto the cart, and the chauffeur begins the drive to the locker room so Rudolph can have his head x-rayed by Trapper John.

3rd Quarter, 7:29 remaining: THE CART BREAKS DOWN. In the middle of the dang field. Awkward.

3rd Quarter, 7:29 remaining: A second cart is deployed from the locker room.

3rd Quarter, 7:29 remaining: THE SECOND CART BREAKS DOWN. For real.

3rd Quarter, 7:29 remaining: Due to budget cuts, Pittsburgh is all out of carts. Two MASH folks come running out with a stretcher, but just as they’re lowering the stretcher to the ground, IT SNAPS IN HALF. Straight up snaps in half.

3rd Quarter, 7:29 remaining: Mason Rudolph just wants to get out of the sun and into the locker room. He’s been giving the crowd the thumbs up sign for last ten minutes (although strangely no time has come off the clock! spooky) and the cheers are starting to sound lukewarm.

3rd Quarter, 7:29 remaining: Coach Mike Tomlin calls in a favor, and the nearest hospital sends a helicopter to the stadium to collect Rudolph.

3rd Quarter, 7:29 remaining: The chopper is in sight… when suddenly it starts losing altitude! The pilot parachutes out, and the helicopter plummets to the ground outside the stadium and EXPLODES. (Don’t worry no one was hurt!)

3rd Quarter, 7:29 remaining: Mason Rudolph has no choice but to stand up and walk to the locker room himself, as carefully as possible, to get his brain checked out.

Time for the Lexus 3rd Quarter Injury Time Out–brought to you by Lexus! It hurts less when you’re living in luxury!

Mason Rudolph is the second Steelers QB to succumb to the 2019 Curse; starting QB Big Ben “Benjamin” Roethlisben, the biggest Ben who ever been, went down in week 2 with an elbow malfunction. Mason Rudolph will need to pass anti-concussion protocols during the week before he can be cleared to play this weekend.

For now, Devlin Hodges–the backup to the backup–is prepping for Sunday’s game. He has reportedly requested that the locker room be blessed with sage before the next home game.

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