The 2023 Kentucky Derby is fast approaching! The Kentucky Derby is the #1 most popular horse-adjacent even in America. Whoa!

It’s also one of the biggest gambling events of the year.

“It’s the Super Bowl of horses,” said a historian of the Kentucky Derby, after being asked to repeat the phrase “it’s the Super Bowl of horses” word for word.

Many gamblers and horse fans are floating having an event similar to the NFL Combine to help people decide which horse to wager their hard-earned money on. One seasoned gambler shared, “How well I do in the Kentucky Derby determines whether I have to work overtime for the next six months in order to make Christmas happen for my kids. I’m sure the horses are feeling it, too, but man, am I under a lot of pressure. I just want to know a little more about the horses. For the happiness of my children.”

“History tells us that ancient civilizations did in fact hold horse combines,” said the nerd from earlier. “Unfortunately, due to some issues with the terrain and a horse’s ability to land safely from the vertical and broad jumps, many of the competitors suffered broken legs and needed to be humanely put down.”

When asked if a modern day horse combine sounded like a good idea, the gambler from earlier was very excited. “Yeah, that sounds cool! So like Gundam? What would the horses combine into?”

Best of luck to the Kentucky Derby competitors! Remember, don’t be a Medina Spirit–be sure to hydrate and flush all the drugs out of your system!