Now that the NFL draft is in the books, sports journalists are scrambling to grade teams’ overall draft picks.
“This is way harder than I thought,” said one sports writer who wished to remain anonymous. “I haven’t even looked at a grade since high school. I just pretend to look at my kids’ report cards. Don’t tell them that!”
“My high school teachers always said they graded on a curve,” said another journalist. “But I don’t really know what that means. Maybe it means they just gave us all C’s? C is the curviest of the letter grades, after all. Yeah, that’s probably what they did. Alright, we’re doing it! All the teams get a C!”
“I don’t know how they expect us to assign grades,” said an NFL data analyst. “I mean, the pre-season hasn’t even started. People get hurt, their mentors get traded away, you can’t really predict that. It’s not like we have a time machine.”
“My buddies in the science department have been working for years on a time machine,” said another NFL insider. “Can you imagine, we’d have perfect draft grades for every single team while the draft was still happening! Move over, ChatGPT, there’s a new cool kid in town!”