How The Jets Lured Rodgers to NY

After what football fans agree feels like months of negotiations, the New York Jets officially acquired Aaron Rodgers from the Green Bay Packers!

“This was no small feat,” said Jets owner Woody Johnson. “I mean, the Packers couldn’t wait to get rid of the guy! But man, we had to jump through a lot of hoops to get Rodgers interested.”

So what did the Jets do to tempt Aaron Rodgers to leave Green Bay?

Hire Allen Lazard. Woody Johnson observed, “We all know Aaron [Rodgers] likes to throw to guys he knows. And we couldn’t convince Greg Jennings to come back, so we reached out to Allen [Lazard] to see if he’d be interested. He wasn’t, but we added a few digits to our offer.”

“It was a pleasure doing business with him,” said Woody Johnson.

Turn Home Locker Room Into Darkness Retreat Facility. “Rodgers is very particular about how he clears his mind,” noted Woody Johnson. “The rest of the guys can handle getting dressed somewhere else. Or just bring a flashlight and hang out in the Dark Room before the game!”

Offering to Un-retire the #12 Jersey Worn by the Late Great Joe Namath. “Are you kidding me,” snapped Joe Namath. “Hello! I’m still alive! Aaron [Rodgers] can have the number, it’s fine!” Fortunately for Jets history fanatics, Aaron Rodgers has opted to don the number eight jersey this fall. “Aaron’s a great guy,” said Woody Johnson. “He said he wanted to honor the deceased by keeping Joe Broadway’s special number retired.”

Joe Namath could not be reached for comment on Mr. Johnson’s remarks.

“Well, yeah,” said Woody Johnson. “Of course he couldn’t.”

Best of luck in NY, Aaron Rodgers!

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