Shorter Baseball Games “Still Boring”, Ballparks Extend Beer Sales To Lure Fans

Prior to this MLB season’s rule changes, which resulted in shorter baseball games, ballparks wouldn’t sell beer past the seventh inning so the fans would be sobered up by the end of the game and could drive home safely. But now that rule is out the window!

“We thought more people would want to go to games because they’re shorter now,” said a source close to the MLB. “But it turns out baseball is still boring. The shorter innings just meant ballparks were losing out on time to sell beer, the number one profit driver of Major League Baseball.”

“We’re pleased to announce that we will now sell beer and other adult beverages through the end of the game,” announced a representative of the Houston Astros. “Now even the last few innings will seem exciting. You’re welcome, everyone!”

“This is great, I love baseball!”

“That’s stupid,” said a Houston resident. “At $15 a beer, who can afford to drink during the last inning?”

Be safe out there, everybody! Don’t let Big Baseball peer pressure you!

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