Well, folks, it’s that time of year again!
We all have that one coworker who loves baseball, and you’ll have to pretend to be interested when they start talking about batting averages and the baseball cards they collected as a kid.
“My company does a team outing to a baseball game every year,” lamented a “fan” wearing an Arizona Diamondbacks t-shirt and one of those foam hands that everybody goes wild about. “I have to go, it’s good networking. I’m trying to look the part so the boss will keep me in mind for the next promotion.”
“Pssst,” hissed a nearby coworker. “We live in Chicago, dude. Get rid of that snake shirt, you need a Cubs jersey.”
“A CUBS JERSEY???!” roared the boss, who unexpectedly walked around the corner. “THIS HERE IS A WHITE SOX COMPANY! Get out of my sight, you’re both fired!”
If you didn’t get fired today, we’re here to help you bring everything you need to a baseball game!
A hat! In baseball, it’s called a cap. Be careful with your baseball terminology! A true fan can spot a fake one from a mile away.
Fake Hand. If you’re wearing a fake hand, your coworkers won’t be able to tell that you’re flipping them off! You should get one for the office, too.
A book. Let’s face it, the game will 100% get boring! Bring something to distract you while the kids dance to “Move it, Move it” for the 20th time.
Food. Did you know that most baseball-related fan injuries are caused by malnutrition? Games can take so long that people risk starvation! Get yourself a snack!
Eye Mask. Pro tip: if you get one that has eyes on the outside, you can sleep through a few innings and no one will notice!
EpiPen. Did you know that the second most baseball-related fan injuries are caused by peanuts? Chances are, someone near you will go into anaphylaxis. And if you have an EpiPen in your pocket, you can save their life and tell your boss it’s a family member and dip out early. Win win!
Good luck this season, “fans”!