Bracket Devastation Continues

College Basketball March Madness bracket players had extra reasons to crack open a green beer on St. Paddy’s Day!

Viewers watched in shock as #1 Purdue was defeated by #16 Fairleigh Dickinson University.

“I can’t believe this is happening,” said a stunned sports bar patron. “I bet my life savings on Purdue going to the Sweet Four.”

Despondent March Bracket players printed out copies of their brackets so they could light them on fire.
Be safe out there! Learn how to use a fire extinguisher!

High school seniors across the country excitedly celebrated FDU’s victory.

“OH MY GOD, THAT SCHOOL HAS THE WORD ‘DICK’ IN IT,” shouted a high school senior. “When’s the application deadline? I have to go there, that is legendary!”

“How have we never heard of the fairest dick university,” said another senior. “Hashtag epic! Hashtag school goals!”

“I’m going there, oh my god, I’m going there,” gushed a college freshman. “Where is it? How do I transfer?”

Staff at FDU might need to ramp up hiring in the Admissions department to go through the influx of applications they’re about to receive! “This is a huge moment for FDU,” announced now famous University President Michael J. Avaltroni. “Go Knights!”

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