The much-loved NFL Players Association surveyed some football players in order to find out which team has the best facilities and amenities. And the Arizona Cardinals did not finish last!

“Look, fancy weight machines are overrated,” said an anonymous Cardinals insider. “Just imagine how much money we’d have to deduct from their paychecks if we had an actual weight room for them to use.”

Close friends of Cardinals players report that the team works out by carrying cases of beer to owner Michael Bidwill’s office.

“Sure, they’re failing grades now,” Mr. Bidwill reportedly said. “But the NFLPA hasn’t said what the curve is going to be.”