All The Pro Bowl Results You Need To Know

So you’re coworkers are football fans but you didn’t watch the Pro Bowl, and now you’re wondering what to talk about at the water cooler tomorrow. Well, look no further!

Surprised viewers tuned in to find that the 2023 Pro Bowl wasn’t your grandfather’s Pro Bowl! Hoping to avoid injury before the next season, past Pro Bowl players never really gave it their all and left their body on the field. This year’s Pro Bowl sought to include fun activities other than an actual football game where the players could show off their skills without risking a football injury!

An official agenda from the 2023 Pro Bowl! Good font choice.

Wii Golf
Team Peyton crushed Team Eli at Wii Golf! Unfortunately the higher ups picked the 18-hole option, so most of the spectators and broadcasters got bored and left the event. “Yeah, well, my team is so youthful, we just don’t have a lot of golf experience yet because we’re not old and boring,” Eli Manning smirked from the sidelines.

Flag Football
Team Eli dominated Team Peyton at flag football. “Flag football, that sounds like every football game Jerome Boger is officiating,” quipped Derek Carr. The members of the NFL officiating crew in the audience furiously scribbled notes on their legal pads as Mr. Carr talked. “I texted Jerome [Boger] immediately, and he was not pleased,” said an anonymous referee. “He’s really looking forward to next season’s Raiders games.”

Four Square
A controversial addition to the Pro Bowl agenda! Team Eli cherry bombed the heck out of Team Peyton. “Eat , Peyton,” Eli Manning could be heard shouting from the sidelines. “Who’s too little to do a cherry bomb now??!”

Team Peyton won lunch. Great work, AFC folks! Peyton Manning couldn’t be reached for comment. “He’s busy studying film,” explained Minkah Fitzpatrick, gesturing to where Peyton Manning was hunched over a cracked Windows Surface, watching official footage from a hot dog eating contest.

Heads Up 7-up
Team Peyton won this one as well. “Stupid Peyton got in my head,” bemoaned Eli Manning on the sidelines. “If I don’t say that he pushed my thumb down, then it’s ‘Eli, you idiot, who else would have picked you??? Of course it was me, your big bro!’ If I do pick Peyton, then it’s ‘lol Eli you’re so dumb, of course you’d think your big brother pushed your thumb down.’ It’s just not a fair game.”

Ice Breaker
Everyone was a winner here! Whenever you make a new friend, you’re a winner!

Lip Sync Competition
Team Eli ate their Wheaties this morning, and the NFC easily won the lip sync contest! Peyton Manning could not be reached for comment, but Trevor Lawrence shared, “Peyton knows Eli’s players were just mouthing the word ‘watermelon’ over and over. It’s the one trick Big Lip Sync doesn’t want you to know. As soon as the replay footage is available, Peyton will be all over it.”

Did you watch the Pro Bowl today? Share your favorite part in the comments below!

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