Lucky week thirteen is in the books, as they say!

Turf: “The scantron from the final exam got jammed in the machine. Everyone gets a B.”
Stadium Seats: “Slightly more comfortable than the desks we sat on in primary school when the nuns would hit us with rulers.”
Mascots: “Their cute faces and silly antics were a delight.”
London Games: “I don’t understand what’s so hard about putting two football teams on an airplane and sending them overseas. Folks in three different countries gathered at soccer stadiums, hoping maybe an NFL team would show up. And then no one did. Shame on you, NFL!”
Beer: “It’s always 5 o’clock. I haven’t replaced the batteries in my watch since 1994.”
Pizza Deals: “Look, everyone. You don’t have to eat the pizza just because it’s on sale. You can buy a discount pizza and then mail it to a fan of a losing football team. A fun way to spread cheer around the holiday.”
Truck Commercials: “The commercials with the unlikeable couples are fine, but I’m going to buy whatever truck Baker Mayfield uses to leave Carolina.”
New York: “New isn’t always better. It’s also fine to have a Regular York.”
Titans: “The most Titanic team in the NFL, America’s sweethearts. Their hearts are true. They took on the fearsome Eagles, and they did their best.”
Footballs: “What is a football, really?”
Mouthguards: “Perhaps we could all use a refresher on hygiene. If a mouthguard falls on the ground, you should rinse it off.”
Fun: “You can’t spell ‘football’ without ‘fun.'”