Happy Tight End Day!

The greeting card industry has gone too far this time, folks.

We’ve been roped into fake holidays like Valentines Day, Sweetest Day, Black Friday, and Summer Solstice. And now Hallmark and their Big Greeting Card competitors are bringing us Tight End Day. Thanks a freaking lot.

Does your kid or niece or nephew play tight end in their little league football or high school football team? If you’re just hearing about National Tight End Day for the first time now, then your special footballer is already disappointed. They’ve had to watch their role models get recognized on tv all day, and you didn’t even send them a congratulatory text.

Whoa, Big Greeting Card must have shelled out a fortune to get a talented artist to draw that football! It’s so life-like, we feel like we’re in a game!

Fantasy owners hate this holiday even more than relatives of junior tight ends. All the professional QBs are under A TON of pressure to get their tights end a touchdown on this special holiday, so the defenses know exactly who to cover.

Thanks for wrecking our fantasy games, American Greetings.

It’s too late to save the tight ends in your life from heartbreak this year. All you can do is send them a Starbucks or iTunes e-card (throw in an extra $5, and they’ll forgive you faster) and then add this to your calendar for next year.

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