The grade book is closed, and no more edits can be made to grades! Unless the NFL’s mom and dad storm into the principal’s office and demand that the grades be changed. But looking at these scores, mom and dad won’t need to do that!
Turf: Wait a minute, didn’t the Bears play a home game??
Stadium Seats: Well, now we know this report card got hacked! 58% of football game attendees got at least one mosquito bite during the game. That doesn’t sound like an A+ experience to us.
Mascots: D’awwwww, fine! You can have an A+, mascots! But you better point that t-shirt cannon our way!
London Games: 10000% HACKED!! No one even went to London for week three.
Beer: Yeah, that one checks out.
Pizza Deals: We are nowhere NEAR 100% pizza deals. Nice try.
Truck Commercials: Enjoy your A+ now, Trucks, because as soon as the holidays jingles start, your grade is toast.
New York: What the heck. You can’t possibly think New York is maxed out on football teams! At least give it a B+, come on.
Titans: We agree, everyone loves America’s sweethearts the Tennessee Titans. A+++++ in our book!
Footballs: Look, folks, we saw quite a few OSHA violations involving footballs in week three. We would have given footballs a solid C. But you know what they say, C’s get Febreze yo! Because they stink.
Mouthguards: Wow, we’re expected to believe that the mouthguards are pristine this season. We sure hope so.
Fun: Awww yeah, we’re here for this A+! Footballs put the “fun” in “Fundraiser to help Terry Bradshaw after Fox steals his money again”.