Star Kansas City Chiefs receiver and 2019’s Father of the Year Tyreek Hill is going to be packing up and moving to the Sunshine State to play for the Miami Dolphins!

Florida is sure far from Kansas so we wish you safe travels, Tyreek Hill and family!

What exactly is Kansas City getting in exchange for Mr. Hill?

• The first-born children of all current Miami Dolphins staff. Wow, that’s pretty serious!
• The second-born children of all current Miami Dolphins staff. Uh……
• The family pets of all current Miami Dolphins staff.
• The retirement savings of all current Miami Dolphins staff.
• Five Miami Dolphins draft picks every year until Tyreek Hill is traded.
• Annual Holiday Card signed by all members of the Miami Dolphins team and staff employed on the date of December 10th each year. Each card must include the phrase “The Chiefs are the best team in the NFL, and the Dolphins are a bunch of weenies who are destined to lose forever” in the 500-word minimum handwritten message. (The footnote specifies that it can’t be part of sentence negating that statement! For example, if the Dolphins were to write, “We will never admit that the Chiefs are the best team in the NFL…” Chiefs trade enforcers would show up at Hard Rock Stadium to collect Tyreek Hill and return him to Kansas.)
• All current and future Miami Dolphins staff members must get a Kansas City Chiefs tattoo.
• The ceramic dalmatian from the Miami Dolphins coach Mike McDaniels’ office.
• Permission for the Chiefs mascot to drop trou’ and take a big ol’ dump on the Dolphins center field logo before all future games between the Chiefs and Dolphins.
• Permission for the Chiefs mascot to tea-bag the Dolphins mascot after Chiefs touchdowns.
• The Florida state motto must be changed to “Viva Andy Reid!”

That sure is a lot to give up, but we guess that’s what you have to do to get top tier talent! Rumor has it the folks in the mascot outfits aren’t really looking forward to next season. We’ll see if the mascot-related exchanges stick, most people like mascots because they’re cute and not because of their weird antics.

Best of luck next season, Miami Dolphins!