From Hoop to Poop: Your Guide to Referee Player Ranking

As you can imagine, referees have a rough job! They have to be experts in their sport and make quick decisions that are sometimes unpopular. Basketball refs for the NBA have an especially hard job because there are so many players on the court.

Their job is made a little easier by the NBA Player Rating System.

Cool, an easy to understand triangle! Like the Food Triangle.

It’s easy to get a player rating! The official player rating looks at a lot of different details about each player: how popular he is, how much money he makes, how much money he donates to the NBA Referee Retirement Fund, how many of his jerseys are purchased each year, etc. What an incredible system! A player’s rating can move up or down. The more work he puts in, the better his rating will be!

Let’s take a look at how the Official NBA Player Rating System makes a ref’s life easier.

Hoop Tier: It only makes sense that Hoop Tier is at the top since the hoop is the highest point on the court! This small tier is for elite VIP players only! If you so much as breathe on a Hoop Tier player, it’s a double flagrant foul and you get ejected from the game. Them’s the breaks!

Star Tier players always get the benefit of the doubt. If a Star Tier player hits a below-Mascot Tier player in the face, the refs are busy looking at the shot clock and they don’t see it happen. And let’s face it–if a sub-Mascot Tier player gets hit in the face and no one hears it, did it really happen?

Beer Tier let’s goooooo! Beer Tier players can’t get away with flagrant fouls, but they can travel all day. All day! There’s the Euro step, and then there’s the Beer-o step.

Mascot Tier: Everyone loves a mascot! Well, 50% of people love mascots. And 50% of refs love Mascot Tier players! Mascot Tier folks are judged pretty fairly by refs. But if they just donated a teensy bit more to the Referee Birthday Fund, they could be Beer Tier! Bust out those checkbooks, gentlemen!

And then we have the Poop Tier. These are the poor fools who didn’t buy Girl Scout Cookies from the ref’s daughter last year. If you’re in the Poop Tier, two steps is a travel. Once you’re in Poop Tier, it can take years to get out. The referees carry a list of Poop Tier players on their person at all times.

Fun fact: Most rookies start out in Poop Tier! Unless they have a friend in the league who tells them to order the thin mints.

Lastly we have Hell Tier. It’s a rough place to be. If you’re a Hell Tier player, any higher rated player can straight up kick you in the nuts, and the refs will call the foul on you and you get ejected. We know, it sounds unfair. You just gotta work your way up! Remember, you get out what you put in. If you’re in the Hell Tier, it’s because you didn’t want it enough.

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