In the most stunning shake-up in recent memory, Quarterback Tom Brady has ended his 20 year run with the New England Patriots and will be starting for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers next season.
Thomas “Tom” “GOAT” “Touchdown Tom” “Big Tom” “Cool Tom” “Neat Tom” “The Brady-Man” Brady has been a New England Patriot since 2000. If Tom Brady’s football career were a person, it would be old enough to drink underage right now.
The whole world is wondering–how does New England plan to replace Tom Brady?
Let’s take a look at the most likely options.
Football-Tron 3000. The future of football is here! Almost. With a little extra funding, the NFL’s best scientists can complete production on a fully-automated football player! This puppy has shoulder-mountain football launchers, badass tank treads, and a bunch of real sweet lights so opponents can tell that Football-Tron 3000 is working hard, crunching the numbers, and calculating the best play. Football-Tron 3000 depreciates faster than a regular person quarterback, but it doesn’t require a salary.
A current NFL quarterback. Anything can happen in a trade! Anything. Coach Bill Belichick could be coming for YOUR team’s quarterback. Sleep in fear!
A junior NFL College NCAA football graduate. The Pats could draft a brand new shiny baby footballer, fresh out of college. Wow! There are hundreds of college NFL junior football players who are hoping to find their forever homes in the 2020 draft.
Bill Belichick. Coach B already knows all the plays and players, so it should be pretty simple to transition him from coach to QB.
Everyone. We fantasy football players know how it goes. You really like Aaron Rodgers, but you’re not a fan of his week 5 match-up. Or week 7. Or week 8. Or week 12. Andy Dalton has a soft schedule after his bye week. Google who is playing the Jets this weekend. We get it. Sometimes streaming QBs is the right decision! And that option is available to the Patriots next season. Sure, making a new jersey every week will get expensive. But think of all the die-hard Pats fans who will buy a new jersey for each game! It’s like printing money.