NFL Week 13 Report Card

How is your fantasy season wrapping up? Did you give thanks for your fantasy football players and all the hard work they’ve put in this season?

Uh… is there actually a body in there?

Due to technical difficulties while inputting the grades for the Week 13 Report Card, we would instead like to acknowledge the special fantasy football players who took a massive dump (in a good way) all over their projected points and flipped a big ol’ bird to their fantasy opponents.

Tyler Higbee, Tight End for LA Rams. If your opponent started this gem, you probably lost this weekend. Tyler Higbee had the best game of his career against the Arizona Cardinals on Sunday! His average fantasy points per week is 2.5, but the Cards let him get a whopping 25 points. Whoa!

James White, Running Back for the New England Pats. Great work, James White! Most weeks, James White gets about 8 points for his fantasy owners. Not bad, not bad! But in Sunday’s game against the Texas Houstons, Mr. White brought home 30 points! Damn! Save some in the tank for next weekend, your fantasy owners need you for the playoffs! (JK, your fantasy owners likely have a first round bye because you kicked ass this season.)

Nick Foles, Quarterback for the Jacksonville Jaguars. If you missed the Jags game, you missed history being made! Nick Foles threw 15 touchdown passes, scoring an explosive 103 points for his fantasy owners. What a guy! Unfortunately due to a glitch, player point totals can’t go over 100. The computer records the 101st point as -1. (That’s negative one! Remember math from school? It sucked.) So even though Nick Foles had the best game of any QB in history, his fantasy owners are stuck in the negative. 😦

Cheers to our fantasy teams and to all of our opponent’s fantasy players
who decided to have the best game of their career last weekend.

New Orleans Defense, Defense for the New Orleans Saints. The Saints D was only projected to score 9 points, but instead they scored 20! The announcers thought they were watching the Patriots game for a hot minute. Great work, gentlemen!

Derrius Guice, Running Back for the Washington Footballs. The Footballs had a great game against Carolina on Sunday, and Derrius Guice was a big part of it! This season, Mr. Guice has averaged 2.1 points per game. But on Sunday, he scored 25 points! (That’s a 20000% increase! Remember math? We sure don’t!)

If you’re heading to the fantasy playoffs, GL. If you’re not, don’t worry. Football isn’t real and it can’t hurt you.

Fun Fact: 80% of fantasy playoff hopefuls were knocked out in Week 12.
Shout out to Derrick Henry!

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