NFL Off-Brand Fines

If you tuned in for the Buccaneers game against the Arizona Cardinals, you probably noticed something a little odd about Raymond James Stadium.

While every other team in the National Football League has transitioned from “Crucial Catch” Anti-Cancer October to Armed Forces “Support Our Troops” November, the Buccaneers players and cheerleaders continue to sport their no-cancer gear, and the stadium is still decked out with the catch-cancer-before-it-catches-you NFL marketing collateral.

Following the stop-cancer campaign, the other teams followed NFL guidelines and mailed all say-f-u-to-cancer jerseys, banners, helmets, goal post pads, etc., to NFL HQ for immediate incineration. (Who knows what the anti-cancer catchphrase will be next year? The NFL can’t have some teams wearing the 2019 crucial-cancer jerseys while other teams wear the 2020 beat-the-crap-out-of-cancer jerseys.)

The Arizona Cardinals, on top of being jet-lagged, were so confused when they ran out on the field and saw all the October cancer-is-freaking-awful merch. The Bucs cheerleaders were all wearing the pink tell-cancer-to-kiss-my-ass tops and skirts. The goal post was wrapped in pads that declared “Don’t Get Cancer” with the new multi-color crucial catch graphic. The banner in the end zone reminded that “Cancer is Not Fire” (in an effort to reach teens).

Cardinals Quarterback Kyler Murray thought he was having a vivid dream about work, so he didn’t play his hardest during the first quarter. He kept expecting to wake up any second and be back in November.

Pretty sneaky there, Bruce Arians–trying to confuse your old team with this bizarre strategy. Well, it worked today for the Bucs. But it will not work next week, we’re all onto you!

The Buccaneers end zone! We can’t read the sign, but it’s probably family-friendly.

The troops said they were not offended because catching cancer early is important–but Roger Goodell still intends to hit the Buccaneers with a $500K fine for being off-brand. The proceeds will go to the Roger Goodell Fund For Buying Roger Goodell a 7th Yacht.

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