Etiquette for meeting a NFL players

Does it seem like our country’s fotball players r getting injured more often this season?  Well, if u said yes, then u r VERY observant, there have been 37% more injuries this season than last season.  We all know footblal is a cruel mistress.  Because so many current players r hurt, more n more of us every day average joes are being called to serve and play football.  Rumor has it Roger Gooddell might call for a nationwide draft and everyone over 18 has to put their name in a giant hat and whoever’s name gets drawn has to quit their job and play football for the team geografically closest to them.  So we all might find ourselves meeting n interacting with pro NFL football league players on a daily basis!  Here r some etiquette tips so u don’t get too starstruck or offend them!

  • Don’t make i contact right away!  This is super important, eye contact is super aggressive n u might scare them away before u can ask for an autograph!  U can spot a fotball player b/c he is usually wearing a jersey in public.
  • Keep ur head lowered but dont stare at his shoes.  Judgmental much??  No one likes to feel like their being judged, maybe look off to the side or if u have a piece of paper or a football in ur pocket for him to autograph, just pretend like its taking u an extra long time to find it so u don’t accidentally make eye contract.  “Oh gosh, now which pocket did I put that silly ol’ pigskin in?”  If u dont have pockets or a purse, u r automatically s.o.l. dont even try to talk to the foootball man.
  • JIC (just in case) u should start carrying a football with u wherever u go.  This might sound a little silly, but when u run into Michael Vick as he’s picking up his brand new cool bee outfit from the dry cleaners, u will forever beeeeee happy that u had ur trusty football with you!  Also start carrying sharpies.  Fun fact about jerseys, they don’t have pockets so footballs players hardly ever have a pen on them.
  • Don’t make sudden movements!  Football players run for a living!  If u scare them off while they’re holding ur football and sharpie, suddenly u have no autographed football and no sharpies and u have to go to the store again.
  • Always say that ur there biggest fan.  Seriously.  You need to make urself STAND OUT from the other people in line at the grocery store, so if they know there talking to their biggest fan, they mite talk to u some more.
  • Be sure to offer friendly advice about their technique!  Sometimes its tough being an athlete b/c ur on the field all the time and u dont really have a way to see yourself and make adjustments.  A little objective advice from a third party can go a long way!
  • If u play fantasy person and u own them in ur fantasy league, don’t hesitate to mention that!  What a huge honor!!  Just imagine if u went to the gas station and a real neat stranger came running up to u and said he owned you in his “Fantasy Data Entry League” or his “Fantasy Heart Surgeon League” or his “Fantasy Astronaut League” or whatever.  You would be hella pumped!  And u would probably go to work and be even better at ur job knowing that Real Neat Stranger was depending on u for his happiness!  Thatll put some pep in ur step!
  • Dont shake their hand!  Make the encounter memorable and just go in for the hug!  Everyone loves a hug!

Remember 2 bring ur football with u tomorrow!

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