MORE from Direct TV!

Our friends at Direct TV have been so busy lately, football season is the busiest time of the year they work tweny four seven to bring us the best moments in football.  Here r some more channels to look forward to as the season progresses:

  • The Crazy Train Channel: Ozzy Osbourne sacrifices his whole Sunday to b at every football game singing his greatest hit for us, its about time we got a tv channel for us to listen to every single Special Sunday Crazy Train performance!  You go, Ozzy!  America n football fans everywhere can’t get enough of ur song!
  • Uniform Mishap Channel: Sometimes when a player gets tackled, he stands up and theres a shoulder pad sticking out of his jersey or w/e.  With this new channel, u will never miss a moment of these comical uniform moments!
  • Commercial Break Channel: Some ppl watch the famous red zone channel b/c they dont like seeing pesky ol’ commercials.  well ur freinds at Direct TV know that some u only watch football for the commercials!  Ur fave players might not always score, but u know Flo from progressive and Ronald McDonRonald and those silly draft kings are always up to something!  And those funny magicians who crack open a cold one and turn a burning building into a beach?  U know u want to see more of that!
  • Messed Up Turf Channel: Direct TV, always at the top of their game!  We all can see how much the news anchors love showing the turf when something wild happens!  In the wake of the epic fire on the Rams turf this morning, Direct TV has announced this brand new channel for those of u who like to keep tabs on the turf!
  • Peyton Manning Channel: One day a week of watching ur fave Denver Bucking Bronco just isnt enough!  U want to b able to watch him whenever u turn on ur tv!  Whether hes making a cool sandwich or working the late shift at Papa Johns or humming his nationwide theme song, u can get ur Manning fix!  Coming soon the Eli Manning Channel.
  • The English Channel: omg so clever Direct TV!  Someone in the marketing department brought their A game to the last staff meeting!  This channel shows us all the British football games!  Although it seems like something was lost in translation n the British didnt get the right football equipment?  idk hopefully they will figure it out eventually.
  • The No Scoring Channel: Sometimes ppl are stressed out enough already from work n personal issues, they dont want to turn on the tv n be worried about whether or not the team will score.  Direc TV has heard u!!!  The new no scoring channel is on a 2 minute delay all the time and will only show plays that happen at the 60 yard n under.  No stress here, just some good ol fashioned runnin down the clock!  sometimes we just need to appreciate that slow n steady wins the race!

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