NFL REGULAR SEASON 2015 HAS FINALLY BEGUN!!! We made it through all the preseason games, we watched a whole bunch of third string dudes run around, we watched our fave players get hurt, we read about our other fave players doing drugs and driving drunk, and NOW we have to watch our fantasy football teams slowly turn into flaming bags of dog crap. Right? WRONG!! With these super helpful apps u can manage ur fantasy team like the pros and win a fantasy trophy and b the coolest in ur friend group.
If u don’t have a smart phone idk what to tell u. Guess u will have to pick up a newspaper or something.
The Matt Stafford b-fast app: Very helpful if u drafted Lions QB Matt Stafford! This app lets us know what matt Staffrod eats for breakfast everyday! Did he have Wheaties? PUT HIM IN YOUR LINE UP!!! Did he drive through Dunkin Donuts and eat 8 bear claws? SIT HIS ASS ON THE BENCH and start ur fave back-up QB!
Papa Johns Peyton Manning Schedule App: Peyton Manning is a familiar face at the Papa Johns locations in Denver! This app is updated by Papa John himself n lets us know what Peyton Mannings’s schedule is like. If he has the closing shift he might work until midnight or later making cool pizzas, and then he’ll b tired on the field the next day. One time he got scheduled to work during a Broncos game! Every time the defense was on the field, u could see him over on the sidelines making pizzas 4 the ppl of Denver.
Big Ben Bee Watch: Everyone knows Ben Roethlisberger plays better when he is dressed in the Steelers throwback Halloween bumblebee costumes! This app relies on data from the kind folks of Pittsburgh they tweet or text when they see the players picking up their bee outfits from the dry cleaners. You might want this app if u drafted any1 from the Steelers, tight end Heath Miller says the bee costume saps his strength so maybe get a new TE that week?
Mason Crosby Leg Cam Live Feed App: Ppl follow Packers kicker Mason Crosby EVERYWHERE this app shows live feed of Mason Crosby’s kicking leg at all times. if u see him sprain his ankle or get a mosquito bite or w/e u might want to pick up a new kicker
Seattle Seahawk Live Feed: This app shows u what ur fave mascot and super bowl mvp Billy the Seahawk is up to at all times!! Sometimes Billy flies around aimlessly but if ur lucky u could see him eating a mouse or dropping a huge deuce on a pic of pete carroll, really billy show some respect. idk how this will help ur fantasy team? Sometimes Pete Carroll gets really sad that Billy doesn’t like him so maybe keep that in mind if u have seahawks on ur team? a pro move would have been drafting Billy himself b/c he can fly.
Sunday Nite Football Adjective Tracker: what kind of showdown is it going to be? Epic? Thrilling? Nasty? Boring? It might not even be a showdown, sometime the teams r about to throw down. In that case, if u still have someone from the Monday game on your bench, u should probably start that guy instead.
JJ Watt Activity Tracker: this one prolly wont help ur fantasy team but it lets u know what JJ Watt’s workout was like so u can compare yourself to him! Did he just bench press five times ur weight?? SO COOL!!!! Then he ran 50 miles? what a show off.
Jay Cutler Blood Sugar App: Finally an app to let us know about Jay Cutler’s diabetes n how much sugar is in his blood! It gets data directly from his blood testing kit n smart phone lmao there is no privacy when it comes to fantasy sports.
GL this season, everyone!!!