Fantasy Football Hacks for 2015

With only a few weeks left in the preseason ppl are rushing to find fantasy advice for their fantasy football drafts.  if you’ve been watching the preseason games ur probably g2g because u know how the players are doing.  Fun NFL Trivia: every summer at least 10 NFL players have to commit crimes n get benched for a few games, it’s a company policy to keep the fantasy games new n exciting every year and keep we the viewers on our toes!  This year was Tom Brady’s turn to be in the infamous “Troublesome Ten” but hes trying to fight it lol we’ll see how that goes.

Anyway here are some points to ponder before ur draft! GL with ur fantasy seasons!

  • Matt Stafford and Aaron Rodgers are IN FACT the same person!!  Pay attention to this elaborate hoax during the Lions Packers game this year u will see him running into the locker room before a change of possession to real quick put on a different jersey or a wig or w/e it’s just like the movie about Mrs. Doubtfire.  If u are lucky enough to draft one of those QBs u will get the points for both of them!  #fantasyhack
  • according to the Chinese calendar, this is the Year of the Bortles it comes between the Year of the Rat and the Year of the Tiger.  scientists n astrologers arent sure if this is good news or bad news for Blake Bortles n his friends.
  • LITTLE KNOWN FACT 95% of the injuries that occur during the preseason are staged just like in wrestling when one dude hits another dude with a folding chair.  unlike wrestlers football players arent great actors so sometimes they’ll just pretend they got hurt at practice when the cameras were conveniently turned off.  So if ur doing a draft and u see a little red cross or a sad crying emoticon next to a player name just feel free to ignore it!
  • 89% of the ppl who draft first in their league go on to the playoffs so u should def start bribing ur commissioner into letting u go first.  Prolly try Omaha Steaks.
  • Concussions ALWAYS happen in threes so if 2 ppl on ur team get a concussion just try to mentally prepare urself for a loss.  Maybe bench the rest of ur team just in case?
  • Doug Martin AKA the muscle hamster underwent hypnosis during the offseason to train himself to get SUPER MEGA HYPER PUMPED UP every time he hears “Crazy Train” and we all know that song gets played minimum 100 times per football game (Crazy Train is Roger Goodell’s fave song ever) so if u draft him u are guaranteed a RB who will produce every week!  Unless they play it while the Tampa Bay defense is on the field then u will just get to watch him run around on the sidelines and drink a ton of gatorade which is still pretty fun.
  • Here is a fun strategy to try in ur fantasy league; for the last few years Pete Carroll has drafted ONLY seahawks players on his fantasy team.  Bold strategy, Pete Carroll!  Way 2 show faith in ur players!  so if ur confident in a particular team, u could try that.  just b ready to eat a loss during that team’s bye week.  Or idk maybe check the waiver wire n try to find another entire team of players to pick up?  Also then u only have to watch one football game every weekend instead of having to watch all of them and feel real conflicted.
  • Archeologists uncovered a real cool cave painting that shows JJ Watt holding a football n punching a hole in the sun and judging by the position of the stars scientists think it shows a 2015 event.  so if u don’t really care which defense u draft, go with the texans just in case the painting comes true.

and if u don’t like any of those strategies u could always go with the ol’ tried n true method of drafting only players whose names start with “f” for football!  Good luck every1!

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