NFL Preseason 2015 Blink and You’ll Miss It!

You may have been hearing some strange sounds from ur local football stadium the NFL IS BACK for another thrilling mind-blowing season of cool ellipsoid action!  so next time u here loud cheering from the stadium u should get in ur car and head over and try 2 get some tickets.  Preseason games r where the action is at, you can check out all the cool players you could probably draft on ur fantasy team and some other players who u really like but not at that price point and some other players that u REALLY LIKE but ur a-hole college buddy is right before you in the draft and u know he will steal your guy, he does it every year just to piss u off.  if u dont play fantasy football, idk u can just pretend the preseason isn’t happening or w/e.

In case u haven’t been paying attention to the crucial games, here are the TOP TEN PREASEASON MOMENTS FROM NFL PRESEASON 2015 WEEK ONE:

  1. Andrew Luck accidentally sold the Colts team bus on craigslist so they all had to uber to their game against the Eagles.  But b/c so many other people were ubering to the game, the whole team had to fit in a single uber van and their driver drove them onto the field and they unloaded like a clown car.
  2. Tim Tebow is back in action with the Eagles he left a very lucrative accounting career to come back to the world of football and we r lucky to have him back!  fun fact: their are fewer head injuries per week in football than in accounting.
  3. The St. Louis Rams made an offer to trade their famous Thomas Jefferson National Arch in exchange for Aaron Rodgers, they picked out a cool spot right outside Lambeau Field where the Arch would fit perfectly.  Mike McCarthy didn’t like that idea, though, he has some really horrible memories from algebra II.
  4. In the game against the Packers, Tom Brady n his patriot friends deflated every single football in the stadium!  Even the toy footballs ppl bought for there kids!  lmao what a prankster!
  5. The Washington Footballs played a cool high-stakes poker game with the Seattle Seahawks and if the Washington Footballs won, they would get to move to Washington State and the Seahawks would have to change their name to something more patriotic and not a bird.  The Seahawks won though, Pete Carroll is a wizard at stacking a deck.
  6. The Kansas City Other Footballs were almost late for their game against the Cardinals because Jamaal Charles was driving their KC OTHER FOOTBALLS bus and he decided they needed to visit the famous Arizona Museum of Being a Desert to check out the local wildlife.  Jamaal Charles fave desert wildlife was the “tumbleweed” but Alex Smith was partial to the “africanized honey bee” and Andy Reid liked the “burrito” so many crazy critters in the southwest!
  7. Due to a technical error in their Outlook calendars the Miami Dolphins never recieved notifications about the game and they completely forgot to go to Chicago.  The Bears had to play against a bunch of volunteers from the stadium n they still lost 😦
  8. Brandon McManus the Broncos kicker missed their game b/c he was waiting in line at the social security office trying to change his name to something without the word “anus” in it.  Sadly the lady working at the office couldn’t stop laughing at the word “anus” and then the office closed before he could file the paperwork.
  9. Cam Newton did over 25,000 mock drafts this week and picked himself first every single time in an effort to change his fake internet football draft value.  GL, Cam!  We believe in u!
  10. To everyones surprise, Tony Romo was on the field for every play of the cowboys chargers game, even playing with the defense, to prove to the fans that he is healthy and that it was a good decision to go to Space Camp instead of Cowboys training camp.  It was way more fun too he got to wear moon shoes, go in a cool flight simulator, wear a real space suit just like the astronauts, and eat some real neat space food.  YOLO!

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