More New Things to look for this Season

Teddy Roosevelt once said, “You have to be willing to change in order to b real successful.”  Then he whipped out two rifles and shot the heads off of 15 elephants from 9000 feet away using only three bullets and his fists.  Anyways the NFL has to makes changes, too, so ppl don’t get too bored with just watching the same ol’ show all the time.  Like remember the Vikings Packers game?  There’s like 3 of those every season.  Sometimes their called “Packers Vikings” games just to spice things up and make ppl think their getting something new and exciting.  But really its the same game every time.  Pay more attention this season sometimes they literally show the same game again on tv.  Yawn.

Let’s take a look at some of the cool new things in store for us this season!

  • Way Cooler Arenas!  inspired by the hit movies The Hunger Games Trilogy the football field will be waaaay more interesting!  every 10 yards or so there could be a trapdoor or a mine or w/e.  Sometimes the end zones will b on fire.
  • Less violence remember in 5th grade when ur P.E. class played flag football?  well get ready to relive the good ol’d days!  there were more concussions last season than in the first 75 years of football combined!  100% of mothers of football players worry every weekend watching their sons out on the field.  Teh NFL decided to think of the moms and eliminate tackling from football.  Way to go!
  • More Crazy Train!!  Lets face it hearing the hit Ozzy Osborne song a mere 50 times each game just isnt enough!  NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell personally promises everyone that we will hear our fave song 100 times a game!  there is even talk of replacing the national anthem with Crazy Train.  Wow!!  we cant wait to hear Selena Gomez sing that one Thanksgiving weekend and then watch her bite a bat’s head off!
  • Less Snow America has voted and the NFL has heard you!!!  snow will be banned from all football games this year for the overall comfort of the fans in the stadium!
  • Fewer footballs: typically in a football game each team brings an extra 50 footballs with them.  this just takes up too much space and weight on the team air planes and buses.  so this season there will b only 5 footballs per stadium.  the players especially the kickers will have to b REALLY CAREFUL to not let the balls get snatched up by fans!  If they run out of footballs they will b forced to play with bricks n rocks and those are way more unpredictable.
  • 300% more cute this season the players on the bench will b surrounded by baby animals this will make football more appealing to kids
  • stronger players!!!  good news the NFL is finally thinking about getting rid of its silly ban on cool performance enhancing drugs!  Welcome to the 21st century!  Three cheers for science!

Cant wait for the new season to start!

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