the twenty fifteen football season is RAPIDLY APPROACHING OMG LOOK OUT ITS ALMOST HERE!!!!!  there are a ton of rumors floating around right now about what this brand new season has in store for us, so lets take a look at them and debunk some of this crazy stuff!

 

Rumor #1:  in a major rebranding effort the Washington Footballs are going to change their name n their mascot to something unamerican

ok you can stop worrying about this!!!!  this rumor floats around every year don’t worry!!  even if this did happen someday u will not lose any of your rights.  but this wont happen because no one on the Washington leadership team can come up with any better names seriously.  at the last Official Meeting of the Washington Footballs Renaming Committee, they spent freaking 2 hours eating donuts and talking about their kids n pets n stuff.  Then they tossed around some bonehead names like “Washington Canadians” and “Washington Germans” and “Washington Czechoslovakians” but then no one could spell that last one n they realized it wouldn’t fit on a helmet 😦  (Everyone liked the idea of the “Washington Checks” b/c it sounds cool but oh well) so u can rest easy tonight our good ol’ Washington Footballs will never change!

 

Rumor 2: The Jacksonville Jaguars r partnering with Cheetos and changing there mascot to Chester.

lmao no that’s so dumb Chester is a cheetah not a jaguar

 

Rumor #3:  The Official Madden Ultimate Sunday Night Football Theme Song will be sung by the Chipmunks n Chippettes

idk this one might actually b real

 

Rumor #4: JJ Watt is

yeah prolly?  but we can never know 4 sure

Rumor5:  The St. Louis Rams are looking to relocate somewhere with better weather and somewhere where ppl really like football

okay this 1 is tricky this rumor rears its ugly head every summer and we keep smashing it with a HUGE ASS mallet like one of those whack a mole games but this mole is CRAZY FAST and always escapes and comes back and scares the shit out of us.  There r so many other non-sports things to do in St. Louis (like history, tornadoes, sweet shopping, school, jobs, Lewis and Clark stuff, the Arch, and being on a river) that ppl tend to forget that the city has a football team!  I know right its wild.  but anyway sometimes the rams think about moving somewhere warmer like Florida or Arizona.  Or somewhere with pretty seasons like New England but all these places already have football teams so the Rams aren’t really serious about moving.  New Mexico REALLY wants them but the Rams went there once and ate at a Taco Bell n everyone got sick on the plane.

 

 

Rumor 5: there is a new kind of football where the football is a small green sphere and the team is just one person hitting it over a net at another person

idk prolly just another weird football rumor ppl get super bored during the off season and sometimes make up games that r kind of like football to pass the time

 

Rumor 6  what about that other kind of football where the players are in cars and they race around a track and sometimes crash into each other n stuff?

yes that is also football.  the track is the football

 

Rumor 7:  It is inhibitively expensive to sponsor a football team

this is true!  you pretty much have to be a restaurant or a clothing company to sponsor football anymore.  one time back in 1992 when things weren’t as expensive a lady named Mildred sponsored the Bills but then she started demanding that they change their team to the Buffalo Mills and they kicked her out.

 

Rumor 8: the NFL is going to parnter with Donald Trump, Cake Boss, n Survivor and every week someone is going to get voted off the show and sent to a dessert island where they r forced to make fancy football themed cakes out of ONLY the supplies on the island until the season is over!

this is FALSE but there is such a huge demand for reality tv that this could be an option for future seasons?  we will keep a look out!!!