Madden ’16 new game features

so there is a lot of talk about madden 16 n how they could possibly improve the game its like the expression if it aint baroque dont fix it thats what ppl said during the baroque period but then the jurassic period came along and the dinosaurs ate all the ppl who used that expression.  so b careful what u say.

top 10 new madden features we cant wait to see!

  1. borrowing some elements from the hit game “The Sims” u can design a custom UltimatePlayer AND some CustomEnemies / Frenemies / Freinds to b on ur team and opposing teams.  how cool is that??  remember that a-hole bully from 7th grade?  well guess what he tried out for a nfl team too and got on but this is ur chance to show him!!!  u can bust out so many cool moves he’ll tear his acl just trying to keep up with you!!!  then the new special UltimateCameraAngles will show him sitting in the stands in later seasons, he’s gained A TON of weight and is crying quietly into his nachos and bitterly watching u break the touchdown record set in ’87 by your new bff john elway.  then john elway runs onto the field n fist bumps u and u both flip off ur former nemesis.

  2.  another new custom character option is u can b an elf, a cat-person, a barbarian, or thomas the tank engine that could

  3. u can download a cool mod where Erin Andrews is a velociraptor

  4. as u level up your custom UltimatePlayer u can pour skill points into “omniscience” and then u use your revealing light card to reveal what play the opposing team’s offense is using.  so cool!!!  u have to pay extra to see the defense plays tho

  5. sometimes their will b a real funny glitch where it looks like the players arent wearing pants lmao

  6.   in the “UltimateCoach” part of the game u can b just like a real coach n do all the cool things that coaches get to do!  Their is a neat HR segment where u deal with crucial topics like how u shouldnt have made that comment to that one cheerleader about her especially big knockers and how sad the mascot was when u revealed his salary to the gatorade girl.  Theyre is also some cool cut scenes that show u talking to ur secretary about the teams travel plans for the next away game.  As UltimateCoach u manage team morale and your very own morale meter as u field phone calls from ur wife n ur teenager daughter’s principal and your college buddy who keeps hitting u up for tickets to the next home game you knew u should have cut ties with that dickhead back in the ’94.  don’t forget to return the accounting departments phone calls though i know that sounds really boring but TRUST ME its waaaaaay better than not having enough money for contracts next season you will have to trade all ur draft picks & your approval rating will go down

  7. if u r playing as a running back u have the chance to build up your UltimateRB PowerMeter (u can do this by running a lot of yards, doing sweet victory dances, and getting big crowd volume) and when it is full you can do some badass Ultimate x ray moves where u punch a defensive guy a ton of times and then the UltimateCameraAngle switches to an x-ray view that shows his bones breaking n u can watch his heart explode or w/e.

  8. in UltimatePlayer mode u can pick all sorts of causes that u care about like manatees or politics or the tatas.  nothing ever comes of this but u can fill out a survey as a cool backstory for ur UltimatePlayer

  9. the Madden16 UltimateRealWorld features a UltimateChaosGenerator to really spice up ur season!  GL throwing a sick pass to Jordy Nelson when he is about to b abducted by aliens!  u also have to deal with natural disasters like tornados, more aliens, extreme heat n cold, the common cold, different aliens, and crowd noise.

  10. TONS of brand new never before seen UltimateTeam Player Cards 2 build ur very own ultimate team!  B careful which ones u get tho!!!  u really have to do your research so you don’t end up with “2008 Leg Problem Tom Brady” or “2014 Bad Guy Adrian Peterson” or “Kevin Kolb” B CAREFUL!!!

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