Football Jobs If U Can’t Play Football

okay so not every1 can get a job playing football.  here are some other jobs available to ppl who want to work for the NFL but aren’t good enough at football.

Cool Video Maker: you know how right b4 the commercial breaks theirs a sweet video of like a QB throwing a epic pass or a defensive guy making a real cool pick?  well SOMEBODY HAS TO MAKE THESE VIDEOS!  That is where the Cool Video Maker comes in.  this person looks for all sorts of neat video clips of game-changing plays not only in the game thats being played but in ALL OTHER GAMES that have ever happened n compiles them into a 5 second long movie for us to watch!  THanks, Cool Video Makers!

Dramatic Music Chooser: this might b the most important stadium job.  the Dramatic Music Chooser has 2 pick just the right tune for the moment!  its real important one time Tom Brady threw a pick because a Dramatic Music Chooser at Gillette Stadium started to play My Humps just as Brady was throwing his pass.  That guy got fired 😦  so if u r steady under pressure and u love cool pop songs, THIS IS THE JOB 4 U!

Ozzy Osbourne: This is a tough job, too, being Ozzy Osbourne means u have 2 b at EVERY SINGLE FOOTBALL GAME ready too play Crazy Train at a moments notice.

Football Coach: this 1 is self exploratory

Zamboner Driver: somebody has to fix the turf especially if the team is playing somewhere cold and theres ice on the field! if u have a drivers license and a heart u should apply!

Gatorade Mixer: the coach needs that gatorade dumped on him and its not as much fun if its just the powder.

Official Untied States National Anthem Singer no pressure or anything but if u mess up ppl will tweet about u for hours and it will show up on ur wikipedia page 4ever ppl get fired from this job like every week

The Kiss Cam Operations Manager: this delicate job requires a lot of training and 10+ years experience.  its a pretty fun job, u just have to look for couples to show on the jumbotron or w/e.  its hard 2 get fired but that happens sometimes.  in 2010 a guy got fired for putting Jay Cutler and Brian Urlacher on the kiss cam.  seriously how hard is it not to do that.

The Extreme Viceroy of Encouraging Little Kids n Other Ppl 2 Dance During Commericial Brakes: even tho the title is way more badass this position is slightly less important and sometimes reports 2 the Kiss Cam Operations Managers.  this person is responsible for playing “move it move it” 2 or 3 times during the game.  they sometimes borrow the kiss cam except they replace the hearts with those fun animals from madigascar.

the scapegoat: this is the person who works at the stadium who has the worst performance reviews with there boss or who has made the most mistakes.  if hte home team loses this employee is ritualistically sacrificed following the game.  this is 2 encourage all the employees to work rly hard n do there best!!!

Good luck w/ ur job search!

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