Arizona Cardinals fans are no strangers to bad news!
With Star QB Kyler Murray out until likely the middle of next season and another losing season on the books, Head Coach Kliff Kingsbury is freshening up his LinkedIn profile in case he needs to hit up the ol’ job market soon.
Phoenix residents have expressed interest in paying Kliff Kingsbury to do video cameos that they can send to their friends and family. And with 4.8 million folks living in the Valley–and all of them used to hearing horrible news from Coach Kingsbury–this could prove to be a major side-hustle, if not a regular hustle, for Mr. Kingsbury.
“I accidentally broke an antique vase that my mom really liked,” admitted a Phoenician high school student. “It might have been a family heirloom. I would give like six months of my allowance to Kliff Kingsbury if he could just let her know that the vase is broken so I don’t have to tell her. And maybe he could say he knocked it over while playing Wii bowling?”
“My husband haaaaaates Kliff Kingsbury,” confided a Phoenician woman in a Cards t-shirt. “And I hate having to give my husband bad news. I wish next time my brother was coming to visit, I could just have Kliff Kingsbury tell my hubby that he invited my brother to stay with us for the week.”
Sources close to Coach Kingsbury have implied that the coach isn’t too keen to become a permanent bearer of bad news for Valley residents. “He’d probably do some b-day messages for kids. Or maybe messages for high school grads, like the ones where you say “congraduations” like a combination of “congratulations” and “graduate”, those are great. I just don’t think Kliff would want to break the news about your upcoming divorce to your kids. But I’m sure Benjamin Franklin could convince him!”