Tampa Bay quarterback Tom “Touchdown Tom” Brady is the most football-playingest quarterback in football history! And today he sent the world record for passing yards when he reached 100,000! Whoa!! Way to go, Touchdown Tom!

Friends of ex-Mrs.-Touchdown-Tom were quick to provide context for this achievement. “Of course he set the record, you bonehead. He’s played like 10 more years than the average quarterback,” said a source close to supermodel Gisele Bündchen. “It would have been embarrassing if he didn’t set a record like that.”

“Gisele doesn’t even watch the games,” said another friend. “She’s done with football, and she has more important things to do.”

Ms. Bündchen could not be reached for comment.

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