NFL Week Seven Report Card

The numbers have been crunched and the experts in space are in alignment on the week seven grades for the NFL season!

Let’s take a deep dive into the numbers before the 11:00 with accounting!

Whoa. Uh, you know grades are posted online now, right?

Turf: The turf was fine. The Miami Dolphins did a neat throwback design at center field. But we weren’t wowed by anything. You gotta wow people if you want an A.
Stadium Seats: 20% of people were too hot, 40% were too cold, 5% dropped a hot dog on the ground and then couldn’t eat it the way they would if they dropped it on the floor in their own homes, and 95% wished they were in a La-Z-Boy recliner. Idea: a little tray that catches fallen hot dogs before they hit the ground. Bring that nugget to management.
Mascots: How could these cutie patootie’s get anything less than an A+? Anyone who doesn’t think mascots are precious angels must have no heart!
London Games: Well, for the second week in a row, Wembley Stadium was packed with fans, hoping to catch the glimpse of a genuine American football. There were a lot of disappointed children in the UK!
Beer: B is for Beer! Beer didn’t want to get an A.
Pizza Deals: Whoa, what happened here? Did the NFL no-show its pizza exams? What did you eat this week if you didn’t get a pizza deal? Share in the comments!
Truck Commercials: Nice try, NFL! We looked the grades up online and we know you got an F in truck commercials because no one wants to watch those snooty rich s buy each other matching pickup trucks for the holidays.
New York: You can’t hide that failing grade here, buddy! And what exactly have you been doing to bring up your grade? You went to homecoming under the condition that you would get another football team in New York, and now here we sit, seven weeks later, with only three teams. Maybe a weekend with no phone will help you reconsider how many football teams are in New York!
Titans: The most titanic team in the NFL was at it again, out doing their thing on the home field. Every day is a great day to be a Titans fan, and every day is a day to be a Titan!
Footballs: A solid C here, but C’s get degrees! Just ask our 9th grade remedial math teacher! Only 3% of team footballs were lost to accidents where touchdown scorers inadvertently chucked the football into the crowd. And we know that 3% is as close as we could get to a perfect score!
Mouthguards: A big ol’ F right here, the online grade book and ten emails from the teacher that we didn’t read don’t lie!!!! These puppies are expensive, yo, quit dropping them on the floor in the locker room!
Fun: Well, we had a lot of fun this weekend! How about you? Do you think the combined scores of our funs averages out at a B? Tell us about your methodology in the comments!

How would you rate the NFL’s week seven performance?

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