Inside the NFL Owners Meeting

Almost nothing in sports is as top secret as the NFL owners meeting!

Here is what you need to know about getting in!

You have to be an NFL Owner to be invited. Ugh. That sucks. We cleared our whole schedule for this!

You have to present a $100,000 bill to get in. Look, this is chump change for a NFL owner. Fun Fact: 28th President Woodrow Wilson is the face of this coveted currency, and all NFL owners have at least four Woodrows in their pockets at all times. Whoa!!! We’ll take a few!

You have to have the super secret 14K gold decoder ring to get in. And you have to say the super secret password!

Everyone who bought shares of the Green Bay Packers gets a super secret decoder ring. However, it was recently revealed that these rings are only gold-plated and not solid gold! We protest! Packers owners are just as legit as other NFL owners!

You have to wear the right mask to be invited in. This meeting’s mask was reportedly a cute bunny. How neat!

Well, that’s a little less wholesome than we pictured,

If anyone starts a kickstarter to buy an NFL team, put the deets in the comments!

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