NFL Week Five Report Card

The grades are in!

Let’s take a look at the week five results for the NFL!

Whoa, a sticker! Neat.

Turf: That’s a pretty good grade, we guess the Bears were on the road again. Let’s keep our fingers crossed that Soldier Field is ready for the Thursday Night game.
Stadium Seats: The people have spoken, and it turns out that the people who watched the games at home were comfier than the people who sat in the stadium. Oof. Room for improvement.
Mascots: Everyone was jazzed to see the mascots doing some neat flips and stuff. Great work!
London Games: Two whole NFL teams went to London! Everybody had fun exporting football to our friends across the pond, and the NFL players got to ride on one of those cool buses and try to make the dudes wearing the big black hats laugh.
Beer: The beer grade dropped from last week. We’re a bit concerned. Everybody, pitch in and do your part to get the grade up for week six.
Pizza Deals: Come on, pizza! If you work hard enough, maybe you can bring up that C.
Truck Commercials: Well, we’re narrowing down the options for our next truck, but we will not be getting the one from the commercial where the truck hit a chipmunk so hard that it was launched into the sun.
New York: What about Old York? We think New York needs to start sharing!
Titans: The Tentensee Titans won their game against the Washington Footballs! And it was an away game, so they got to see the sights in the Football Capital of the World and try to make the dude who walks around the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier laugh.
Footballs: Solid C. Some of the kids across the pond were really disappointed when their parents told them they were going to a professional football game and then the Giants and Packers trotted out.
Mouthguards: We heard from a reputable source that a mouthguard fell on the ground in the locker room bathroom and the brave football player said, “aww man. Well, five second rule,” and just put it back in his mouth.
Fun: Fun was had by some, but nearly half of the fans leaving a stadium reported being “disappointed” in the outcome.

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