As we’re all glued to our TVs so we don’t miss a moment of non-stop NFL draft action, Commissioner Roger Goodell is thinking about the future of the NFL draft.

We guess that’s why he makes the big bucks!

Goodell recently admitted to being a huge fan of the NBA draft, where the team with the worst record doesn’t automatically get the first pick; there is a “random” lottery, and the draft order is “randomly” chosen. Sources close to Goodell say he really likes the “scare quotes” around the word random; if the worst team is unpopular or if the players have beef with the NFL higher-ups, then that can go into the calculus and that team gets a worse “random” number.

Goodell has also been finding draft inspiration from what people like in fantasy football. Far more fantasy owners participate in re-draft leagues than in dynasty leagues. Since re-draft is so popular, Mr. Goodell is not opposed to bringing re-draft to the NFL. Goodell reportedly said, “It would really keep things fresh to have the players on different teams every year. And it would be a tremendous networking opportunity for the players and coaches.”

But then the question becomes traditional snake draft or auction? “I think it would be fair to let teams bring their whole budget to draft day,” Goodell allegedly told the NFL Draft Day Party Planning Committee. “You could upgrade your stadium, but then maybe you don’t have enough left over to get a Justin Herbert or a Patrick Mahomes. Them’s the breaks!”

“People also love those white elephant parties,” Mr. Goodell supposedly mused out loud to himself at NFL HQ. “We could wrap up the players, and then the next team up can unwrap a new player or steal a player that was already unwrapped.”

The Draft Day Party Planning Committee has floated some ideas like a fun football trivia contest or bobbing for numbered apples to determine picks. Sources close to Goodell say that he hates those ideas with the fiery passion of a thousand suns. Not enough pomp.

The Draft Day Party Planning Committee may be disbanded due to “random” budget cuts.

We’re already looking forward to the 2023 NFL Draft!