What happens when you win the Masters?

The 2022 Masters Golf Tournament came and went with all the hullabaloo of a game that 99% of people prefer to play on the Nintendo Wii or the Atari.

NFL Super Bowl winners get to go to the White House and meet the president! But what do you get when you win the Masters like our friend Golf Superstar Scottie Scheffler?

  • An official Masters Tournament of Golf Certificate of Participation! Whoa!!! Hang that puppy in your cubicle and you’ll be the MVP of your office.
  • Cold hard cash! Almost enough cash to have your official Masters Golf Tournament Participation Certificate custom framed.
  • Your picture on the Gluten-Free Extra-Fiber Wheaties Box! The Classic Wheaties box is reserved for pictures of NFL or NBA stars. But you can have your pic on Wheaties For People Who Gotta Sh*t Real Bad.
  • A magnet that says “I won the Masters Golf Tournament and all I got was this lousy keychain”.
  • A 3-pack of golf balls that say “Masters Golf winner 2021”. (There were some supply chain issues, they had to make do.)
  • A golf towel that says “Masters Glof 2022 – SAMPLE ONLY”. (See above.)
  • A 5-pack of golf tees that don’t say anything special, but the packaging says they’re the world’s sturdiest, most-dependable golf tees, so you just know they’ll help you improve your game even more.
  • The world’s ugliest polo shirt that just has the word “Golf” embroidered right over your nipple. Eyes up here, folks!
  • A copy of Golf ’82 for the Atari. Now you can find out once and for all if it’s more fun than real outdoor golf.
Pretty slick! It would be a little cooler if it said “1st Place” on there somewhere.

Now that you know the spoils, you can brush up on your golf game on the ol’ Nintendo Wii and think about entering the 2023 Masters!

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