Suns, Clippers head to Phoenix for Game 5

Get ready for some high-stakes nail-biting basketball action! The Phoenix Suns and the Los Angeles Clippers are meeting tonight in Phoenix, so grab your jerseys and head out to watch the big game.

News outlets like ESPN have made it no secret they don’t want to go to Phoenix. Don’t worry, news folks–it’s a dry heat! After a few years, you barely notice it.

Here is a comprehensive Phoenix city map to show you all the things to do while you visit the Valley.

Where are the tumbleweeds? We were promised tumbleweeds.

Suns Game! Even if it’s for work, it’s always cool to catch a basketball game. The Suns players have some prime Phoenix real estate! There are a total of five houses in this desert city, and our fave b-ball stars get dibs. Bonus: they can walk to work!

Taco Bell. Phoenix is famous for Mexican cuisine! Hit up the local Taco Bell after you tour City Hall. Be sure to ask for a glass of water, because you can’t find water anywhere else, unless you slice open a cactus. It’s tough, but the 16 residents of Phoenix make do. Did you know: Phoenix is the fastest growing city in Maricopa County! Another cool fact: Phoenix is the only city in Maricopa County. The scorpions of Maricopa County outnumber the human residents 35:1. What a rad ratio! Be sure to watch your step.

School. Everybody’s fave place! The building looks big, but don’t be fooled–it’s a one-room school house. The two children who live in Phoenix think it’s pretty great, what kid doesn’t love school? If you’re a sports journalist coming to Phoenix for the Playoffs, the Phoenix Hotel is located next to the Official Store for Grown-Ups. You just know there’s some cool stuff in there! Probably newspapers, coffee, and those awesome paperweights that have a scorpion at the center.

Like most capital cities, Phoenix has a Bank and a Grocery Store, but you probably want to pack some snacks. The grocery store only sells cactus fruits and those colorful lollipops that have a scorpion at the center.

Enjoy your stay in the Dry Desert Valley City!

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