News outlets like ESPN have made it no secret they don’t want to go to Phoenix. Don’t worry, news folks–it’s a dry heat! After a few years, you barely notice it.
Here is a comprehensive Phoenix city map to show you all the things to do while you visit the Valley.
Suns Game! Even if it’s for work, it’s always cool to catch a basketball game. The Suns players have some prime Phoenix real estate! There are a total of five houses in this desert city, and our fave b-ball stars get dibs. Bonus: they can walk to work!
Taco Bell. Phoenix is famous for Mexican cuisine! Hit up the local Taco Bell after you tour City Hall. Be sure to ask for a glass of water, because you can’t find water anywhere else, unless you slice open a cactus. It’s tough, but the 16 residents of Phoenix make do. Did you know: Phoenix is the fastest growing city in Maricopa County! Another cool fact: Phoenix is the only city in Maricopa County. The scorpions of Maricopa County outnumber the human residents 35:1. What a rad ratio! Be sure to watch your step.
School. Everybody’s fave place! The building looks big, but don’t be fooled–it’s a one-room school house. The two children who live in Phoenix think it’s pretty great, what kid doesn’t love school? If you’re a sports journalist coming to Phoenix for the Playoffs, the Phoenix Hotel is located next to the Official Store for Grown-Ups. You just know there’s some cool stuff in there! Probably newspapers, coffee, and those awesome paperweights that have a scorpion at the center.
Like most capital cities, Phoenix has a Bank and a Grocery Store, but you probably want to pack some snacks. The grocery store only sells cactus fruits and those colorful lollipops that have a scorpion at the center.
Enjoy your stay in the Dry Desert Valley City!