New sports seasons cause scheduling nightmares for fans

If you quit your job, you can squeeze in some more FIFA games.

Here are some tips for completing weekend chores without missing your fave sports.

More TVs. If it’s too hard to decide between the World Series, basketball, and football–why not pick all three? Buy more televisions or get yourself to a sports bar! Pro tip, if you buy a lot of small TVs, you can have one in every room. Don’t miss a minute while cooking, cleaning, or taking a dump!

Grocery store delivery. Most grocery stores now offer delivery options. There may be a minimum dollar amount or minimum quantity of food, but hey, just purchase an extra freezer to store your 500+ lbs of chicken from Costco.

Great work! Now you won’t need to buy food until the 2022 Olympics.

Hire a personal assistant. This organization guru can help manage your calendar so you don’t miss a second of the action. Job duties include texting your boss that you’re “sick” so you can stay home and watch soccer.

Send the personal assistant to your kids’ sporting event. Let’s be real. Would you rather watch unskilled mini-people running around tripping over their own feet or watch your fave basketball players doing some sick SLAM DUNKS? Send your new assistant to record the game–or better yet, FaceTime! That’s basically being there in person, without the traffic and awkward socialization with other parents.

Sports apps. These can be pricey, you might have to pay for the app and then pay for data to stream games. And if you’re at your kid’s soccer game on Saturday, but you want to watch multiple NFL Jr. College NCAA Football games, you’re going to need multiple devices.

Pick one or two teams to watch each week, so you can balance work, family time, recreation, and household responsibilities. Hahahaha just kidding! Start recording games and stop sleeping. That’s an extra EIGHT hours of sports. You’re welcome.

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