Are you ready for some football? Well, the college kids sure are!

After nearly five months without a Saturday game, college folks were ready to party. And remember, five months is a long time in college kid years! Five months is basically two years to a college student, so it’s no surprise that they were jonesing for some football. And that was very fortunate for the Beer and Body Paint Industries!

After New Years and the Super Bowl, profits for Big Beer tend to fall off a cliff. Folks don’t really tailgate for basketball or the Winter Olympics. Body Paint profits drop even earlier; Body Paint companies count on college football season for all of their success. They’re lucky to break even after November. Only the hardiest of college kids will go to a winter game shirtless. Even fewer folks go to hockey games with painted-on letters in lieu of a shirt or sweatshirt!

“We count on these college spring games to break even until the fall,” revealed one Big Body Paint executive who wished to remain anonymous. “During Quarter Two, our investors are breathing down our necks until the spring game sales hit the books. Then we have all summer to come up with new colors. Last year’s most popular were ‘radioactive red’ and ‘carcinogenic copper’.”

Beer enjoys more consistent popularity throughout the year, but the increase in demand in college towns can really make a difference. “Spring games are huge for us,” said an unnamed Beer Exec. “We go from like, ‘Maybe we start lobbying to lower to drinking age’ to ‘Oh okay, let’s get going on apple and pumpkin flavors.'”

Stay safe on campus, everyone!